i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
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