Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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