just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
