I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
