You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
