It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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