Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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