I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
