i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
