Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
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