Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
I am available for nakedness
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
