can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
This toilet bowl is my home.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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