If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Randomize
