she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I deserve this hangover.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
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