Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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