hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
