I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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