I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
