hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
