tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
