Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
