I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
