You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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