When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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