i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
