I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
