let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
