shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
