Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
