Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
