last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just had sex on a roof
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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