Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
