i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
did i walk over a car last night?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
