I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Walk of Shame today included voting.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
