Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
