To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
