He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize
