she told me i tasted like america
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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