She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
Randomize
