Whod you bang
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
