Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
His nipple licking is glorious
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