There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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