The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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