I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
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