i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
