1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Randomize
