i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
