She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
