**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
