I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
