don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
