terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
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