Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize