I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
