Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
