we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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