dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
