it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
