I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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