this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Randomize
