Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
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