The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
