Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
