my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
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He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
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Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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