your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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