dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
