I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
