I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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