walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
