i always forget guys have bellybuttons
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Randomize
