i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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