I wanna bring you to show and tell
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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