Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
