I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Randomize
