Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
