There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
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