she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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