Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
