Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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