just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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