There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
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