we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
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