arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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