I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
