oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
