I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
What a dumb baby whore.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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