What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
