I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
