How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
