you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Of course I have a pirate flag
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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