Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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